life by the drop

You CAN go home again...

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:48:32 GMT

it's just not a very good idea.

I'm sitting in my mother's kitchen trying to remember why I thought this might be fun and also trying to remember how to write about my non-Austin family because I've been pretending they don't exist for so long, that I've kind of lost the knack. Last night my mom played her "You don't know anything" card with my sister, and that sent her right over the edge. I quickly found myself some children to take care of - there are 7 at the house, so it wasn't a hardship - and withdrew. Once Mom went back up to the hospital to stay with my step-dad, my brother and sisters and I drank 3 bottles of $5 champagne and bitched and laughed, so that was OK. I left a bottle in the freezer, and it exploded. And I dreamed about it exploding, so it was the first thing I checked for in the morning.

It's hard to pinpoint what exactly is so awful about being back here. It could be that this town is too small to have an espresso machine - or any decent sort of coffee at all. It could be that the arguments that spring up are so old and unchanging, that I could probably play all the parts without any of the players present. It could be that despite the miraculous reform that my (formerly loser) brother has made, he still thinks it's good entertainment to watch a video of him fighting on youtube, with rednecks in the background betting, a neighbor calling out, "I've called the cops!" and the Mexican videotaping it responding, "It's ok, man, they are working out an argument."

It's not OK, man.

I've been sleeping in the room where my grandmother died 3 years ago, and it is probably the best sleep I've had in months, despite the fact that I'm being stared down by all of my Mom's creepy vintage Barbies staring at me from shelves on every wall.

Being here is weird.

why can't I get BBC in realtime?

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:50:33 GMT

Martin Freeman is hosting Buzzcocks next week. AAAAARGHHHH! Please, somebody post this IMMEDIATELY to youtube.

I will be making 100 of these

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:09:59 GMT

http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/blog/crochet_pumpkin

Who needs a proper job?

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:52:06 GMT

Thinking of giving up my proper job and making a go of living by my wits. Not sure if my wits are up to it.

I figure I need to make $1600 a month to keep everything pretty much as it is. At least until the student loan people finally demand their pound of flesh.

I'm home on a sick day today, though, and I'm kinda bored. I've already had students text wondering where I was and one complaining that he brought his guitar today, and it is "no fair" that I didn't show.

I teach without a conference period on B days, and he has class without an off period. When were we supposed to play, I wonder?

I will miss that.

Noel Fielding - yeah, he's cute

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 13:35:30 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBt_AoYjGg0

sucky day

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 04:25:38 GMT

Got pulled for a meeting unexpectedly from the beginning of class and totally, totally lost it.

I'm presenting at a very small local teacher conference on using graphic novels in the classroom and did not appreciate having my first class of data collection smashed to bits by being hauled to a meeting where I knew I would prove unnecessary.

Ah well. I then felt stupid for going crazy. It's a freshman error, and I should have kept it together.

Better luck tomorrow.

down the rabbit hole...

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 01:01:48 GMT

OK. So. SGA. Freakin' addicted.

I am about to finish season 2, and I just nearly bought Season 3 at Target this evening. Instead, I canceled my target card because I am tired of dealing with their payment system which never functions properly, and then turns around and charges me $35 for its idiocy.

I pay quite enough for my own idiocy, thank you very much, and do not need to be supporting the bad habits of online and telephone systems which do not wish to communicate in a timely fashion.

I am working through the some 148 recs that fabu has posted - for the second time, so that I can tag only the ones I REALLY like, and then I will go out and explore on my own.

Unfortunately, the Flylady has paid a terrible price for my new fun, 'cause now I come home and read for four hours instead of shining my sink.

check in

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 01:15:25 GMT

Been doin' the Flylady thing for a week now, and I am tentatively declaring the sink and the laundry a win. I have one couch full of clothes to put away, but everything in the house is washed. Or given away. :)

Been writing snippets and lists. Not enough to make me feel right, but enough to make me feel better. I came to the stunning realization in October that I had been depressed for the last year. Husband looked at me disbelievingly and slightly mockingly. It isn't fair when someone knows you better than you know yourself.

Anyway, as remedies go: changing jobs, giving my brother's two kids back to him, and cutting off my parents seems to be effective. I feel better. But different, too, and not sure how to deal with that.

I spoke to both my parents at Christmas for the first time - in weeks for my mom and months for my dad. I don't know how this is going to go. I honestly don't have much hope. That's not true. I have ridiculous hope - I somehow carry the hope and the implausibility of success together.

movie of the week

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 04:26:41 GMT

I went to see The Wrestler this evening on a free pass. Mickey Rourke's performance was quite good (I'm not usually a fan). It's hard to say whether I liked it. "Like" does not seem like a suitable word. I got through the whole movie without crying, but went to the bathroom during the closing credits and sobbed in one of the stalls for two minutes. People were waiting, or I might have been there for a while. It's hard to untangle everything that the movie said to me. And I'm to tired to do it tonight.

back in the saddle

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 02:30:54 GMT

Survived the first day back at school. Not as terrifying as I'd feared, though my more challenging classes are tomorrow. How did it get to be 8:30? It just seems like there is not enough time in the day to do what really, really, NEEDS to be done. V. frustrating.

back to the grind

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 03:26:32 GMT

Not ready at all for work tomorrow. Psychologically, that is. Still not finding time to think and write, quite. Nothing more than fragments.

Hard Times

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 21:27:19 GMT

Walked out the door today to discover that my bike had been stolen.
Damn it.

new year

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 01:22:20 GMT

Would like to stop and reflect on the old year, but am finding myself strangely busy. Will make time soon. For now...today I made tortilla soup in my Christmas crock pot and went to see Let The Right One In. Review to follow soon. Suffice to say, I was fascinated and am now mildly traumatized.

I'm thinking I might try to see a movie every week this year. Next up: The Wrestler on Thursday. I expect it to make me cry, but I have free passes, so I think I'll risk it.

Update:
Me - 5
House - 3

peas and cabbage

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:52:03 GMT

Used my brand new Crock pot to make cabbage soup yesterday. Ate black-eyed peas - why do these bring you good luck? The fiber content, maybe?

Headed out to my sister's to rescue her from her children for a bit. But first - updated score:

Me - 3
House - 5

I'm hoping just to tip the balance before the family returns from San Antonio tomorrow.

current score

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:32:24 GMT

Me: 1
House: 7

update: Me 2, House 6

Resolved:

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 18:34:37 GMT

This year I will be kinder to myself.

damn it

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 02:18:48 GMT

allergies killing me. allergy meds putting me to sleep so I don't notice (as much). son tried to destroy house today by carrying gasoline in a styrofoam cup into the bathroom. that is all.

stolen hour

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 13:30:17 GMT

I love vacation. I'm up early to meet a friend to walk town lake, but she texted to move the time an hour later, and now I have an entire hour of quiet with nothing to do but wait for my long sleeved shirt to dry (notice the singular - I really have to buy some clothes...someday) and drink coffee. I suck at planning time like this, but I'm not half bad at stealing it once in awhile.

small mercies

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 03:13:11 GMT

Though I must say that I am horrified, horrified by the liberties taken with the (admittedly sketchy) source material, the possibility that Merlin and Arthur will make out has me just a bit riveted to BBC's Merlin. I kept looking at the actor, thinking - I KNOW him... and then last night it clicked that he was in "Midnight" on Dr. Who. I get on wikipedia to confirm, and find, much to my relief, that he will be 23 years old in a few short days, and I can admire him freely without concern for perviness.

Merry Christmas to me.

April poetry spam - Tess Gallagher

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 05:03:35 GMT

I Stop Writing the Poem

to fold the clothes. No matter who lives
or who dies, I'm still a woman.
I'll always have plenty to do.
I bring the arms of his shirt
together. Nothing can stop
our tenderness. I'll get back
to the poem. I'll get back to being
a woman. But for now
there's a shirt, a giant shirt
in my hands, and somewhere a small girl
standing next to her mother
watching to see how it's done.

Summer of Swim, day 30

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 23:07:12 GMT

Today we swam at Murchison Neighborhood pool, off of Far West (on the north side). Nothing special about this pool. It was smallish with a deep section jutting out to the side that once held a diving board. No shade over the water, but a couple of benches in shady spots and a pergola that looked nice for a picnic or something (though we had already eaten.) Nice to be in the water, but not a favorite.

fasting, day 4

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 21:17:32 GMT

So today is my fourth day to fast. And maybe my last. I'm not hungry - not even for the lemonade stuff anymore. I went from 6 glasses the first day (probably about 400 calories) to 4 glasses the second day to 2 glasses yesterday, and today I don't even want it. But I miss the texture of a banana. My energy is okay - I went to Kung Fu today, and though I had to step out for a minute or so during one exercise, I did fine otherwise. I've lost five and a half pounds over the last two weeks. I'm almost at my fighting weight - though I wonder if I will reagin it all immediately. I'm thinking I will eat a banana tonight after I pass the 96 hour mark and slowly introduce foods after that.

Summer of Swim, day 22

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 03:22:42 GMT

Today we swam at Gillis pool, which is about three miles north of our house. Not a striking pool, by my standards, but the kids loved it. They went on and on about going back there. It did have a nice shady playground that we took advantage of during a short break after the lifeguards heard thunder. And a Mexican man came by with a cart of ice cream, so we all pushed dollars through the chain link fence while he pushed ice cream through from his side. The kids there seemed to be a little older, and many of them were there with older siblings rather than parents. The life guards seemed to know several of the kids and the kids all knew each other, and in that sense, it felt more like a neighborhood pool than the other places we have been this summer. It was smaller than the other pools we have been to, the bathrooms were too far from the pool, and there was no shade over the water - which is pretty much a requirement for me if we want to stay for longer than an hour.

the master cleanse, day 1

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 16:28:47 GMT

Yesterday I started fasting on the master cleanse detox regime (aka the lemonade diet). Why? Well, I pretty much feel bad more often than not. It started about seven years ago, with the birth of FirstBorn, and I thought that it was mostly related to pregnancy and childbirth - and then I think I just got used to living with it and forgot that life was ever any other way - food sensitivities, upset stomach, indigestion, water retention, incontinence, etc. It sounds a lot worse when I type it out like that, but on the other hand, I think it has been worse than I've been willing to admit. The strange thing is, I feel sick for a couple of hours each day and I have all these irritating symptoms, but I'm actually pretty healthy. My BP is always textbook, my cholesterol is always good (except for a two-year stint in college), I'm carrying about ten pounds that I don't need, but I have been that way since high school. In fact, my weight now is within a few pounds of what I weighed when I got pregnant.

In some ways, I expect to benefit more psychologically than biologically. I am DOING SOMETHING, which always feels good in a frustrating situation. And I have never fasted before, so I am also Trying Something New. I have no idea if I can keep this up for 10 days, but I'm curious now to see.

Here's how it goes:

I drink 32 oz of water with 2 tsp sea salt added in the morning. (Then I sit on or near the toilet for two hours - seriously)

Throughout the day, I drink 6 to 12 10oz glasses of lemonade/limeade that I make with
2 TBS fresh lemon or lime juice
2 TBS organic grade B maple syrup
1/10 tsp cayenne pepper
10 oz water

I also drink water when I want and then just before bed I have a cup of senna tea (an herbal laxative)

Yesterday I had six glasses of limeade and 96 oz of water. I wasn't really hungry at all, but I did want to eat. I wanted a handful of goldfish when the kids were snacking. I wanted to finish an apple that Pippin left on his plate. And I desperately wanted a glass of wine and some delicious homemade pizza at fabu and dangerousfred's house last night.

So already I have learned that I tend to eat more for social reasons than out of hunger or cravings.

Summer of swim, day 20

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 04:16:02 GMT

No swimming today, but we did have an adventure of sorts. Today was my little sister(BB)'s first day at orientation at UT. I picked her up at 8 am and drove her to UT, parked in the parking garage and then took the kids on 3 short bus runs around town to kill the time while I waited to attend a parent orientation in my mom's place. BB seems to be happy at UT, though she hates Jester - I really hope she doesn't get her contract there. The kids and I caught the #1 bus from campus to the Wheatsville Coop, then the #3 to Central Market, then we walked to Upper Crust for lunch, and then we caught the #3 to Toy Joy and then walked the rest of the way back to campus. The kids had a great time, and it was a really pleasant day. Everytime I take the bus anywhere, I wish that I did it more often. I'm just not confident that I could keep up with the scheduling.